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Saturday, April 21, 2012

10 Most Unique Men's Rooms at HSC

Dear Readers,

I've had a couple professors read my blog, then come up to me and ask if I'm really as depressed and upset about this place as I sound. Well yes, I do kinda hate this place. But at the same time, I've had a lot of great experiences here and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Since people have been worried, I decided I'd do a more light-hearted post. So here it is: The Ten Most Unique Men's Toilets at HSC!

In no particular order....

Winston, Second Floor
 The first of our special bathrooms is in a place that I can't imagine too many people have ever gone, unless you are a music student. If you have ever found your way to the rear of Winston Hall, ascended the stairs that seem like they are about to separate from the building, and needed to use a bathroom, here's the one for you!

You'll find yourself strolling along the hall upstairs, and find the bathroom marked "MEN". No women's room up here, of course. Not at Hampden-Sydney! Of course, let's see what's behind Door Number 1!


  BEHOLD! Behind the bathroom door are 2 more doors. I cannot tell you how many times I've tried to go straight to the next door, only to find it locked. I can only assume that it's a utility closet of some kind. Anyway, the bathroom, itself is through the left door.

Still, despite the confusing entrance, my favorite part of this bathroom has to be this rather threatening sign that has been hanging on the door for a while. It's an empty threat, of course, but who knows? Maybe one of these two doors will lock one day!

Winston, Main Floor (?)
As long as we're already in Winston Hall, we may as well talk about that frustrating bathroom that is hated, I'm sure, by anyone who has had to go down there. The door stands near the main entrance and....ya know what? Let me just take you through a tour:


Looking from top left to bottom right, we get the brave journey into the pits of HELL! That's right. In order to use the toilets down here in Tartarus you must open the door, descend a bunch of stairs, then proceed through two additional doors before you can even get in there. This bathroom terrifies me. It's like a nightmare down here. There's graffiti aplenty, and I know that it is occasionally used by naughty boys looking for hiding places (sorry to rat you out, guys, but walking-in on your antics twice is enough for me...).

John's Auditorium: Lobby
Ah, yes. Look at our beautiful Hampden-Sydney Theatre, home to uncomfortable and broken seats, a sad, sad, small stage, and the hardest working students you'll ever see on campus. Our odd bathroom here resides in the lobby. You may, in fact, be able to tell from the photo above that, there is a Ladies Room, but..huh...where's that men's room? Oh.

There it is. Oh wait....A cloak room? This is just a coat closet! maybe it's....
THERE IT IS! It was hiding in the closet the entire time! Huh...That's funny...A Men's Room, hiding in the closet....

John's Auditorium, Studio Theatre
Meanwhile, in another part of John's.... Welcome to the Studio Theatre Classroom. We have our own little stage set up in here with a curtain and everything. And what's behind the curtain?
Well I'll be! Behind the curtain, a chalkboard, and a couple couches, there's actually a bathroom back here. Now, this bathroom isn't notoriously different because of it's design. Sure, it's built under the stairs that lead to the upstairs classroom, and sure there are exposed water pipes in there, and of course every time you flush, you can hear it in the sink, but what's so wrong about this bathroom?
Oh yeah. That. That bucket of beer cans and wine bottles that has been slowly growing for a couple years now. Yes yes yes. We theatre folk are notorious for our love of wine. Dionysus was the God of Theatre and Wine, right? Anyway, there's always something interesting in this bathroom, be it manikins, wine bottles, coolers of unopened drinks, YOU NAME IT! Now ask yourself, does this happen in your bathroom?

Graham Hall
I love our post office. It has a very nice atmosphere. It's kept clean, and tidy, and there's even a coffee shop. The entrance to the bathrooms here is even well labeled: 
So what is so special about the bathroom here, you might ask? It's not messy, it's not in a poor location. It's not oddly designed. And there's even a women's room too! To be completely honest, this is my favorite bathroom on campus. It has everything you could ask for: A Sink, a mirror, paper towels, or an electric hand-drier if you would prefer, a toilet, AND there's even a nifty sitting chair in their, too, so that your friends can sit with you when you take the Browns to the Superbowl....

Gilmer Hall, Main Floor
Being an English Major, I'm not really in Gilmer too terribly often. I do remember having to come in there one day, though, to relieve myself. Everything was going well. I found the door labeled "MEN", opened it, but then found this: 
dafuq? Some clever troll decided it would be funny to build a stall partition at the door. Are you serious? I had to double-take, just to make sure I hadn't lost my mind.
Nope. Nope. There it is. One stall, built right there at the door. Marvelous. I will say, though, that this bathroom has some of the most interesting graffiti on campus:

It must've been some good business. I gotta say, though, kudos to whoever continues putting The Stall Street Journal in the slot with the graffiti there, still...

Bagby, Third Floor
Oh, Bagby. I rarely have classes here, but I do remember taking my RPE on the third floor. About halfway through the test, I had to relieve myself from some pent-up anxiety and too much water. So I made my way into the hall to find a Men's Room.
Ah! Here it is! It's right beside the Women's Room, so it must be the men's room....
WHAT!?! Yeah. I remember being damn surprised to open the door and find a janitor's closet.
Well, As it should happen, there's no Men's bathroom on the third floor. Now I'm glad that there's a women's room here. There are female teachers and such, of course, and they need relief, too. I just find it odd that there's actually a place at Hampden-Sydney where women have the advantage over men. So here's a WIN for the ladies. Then again, I hate the clip-art that was used for this sign, so the victory may be slightly tainted....

Blake A, Student Government Floor
The only time I ever have to come here is when it is time for club audits. I must say though, that if you ever find yourself climbing the side-staircase of Blake A, past the photographs of smiling HSC students and as you try not to breathe because of that sour stank in the air, you'll be treated to the epilepsy-inducing light that greets you to the offices of our Student Government blokes. Their bathroom intrigues me because it's camouflaged
There is no sign on the door labeling it as a Bathroom. Indeed, when you open the door, you'll notice that it is carpeted in the same way as the rest of the floor.
But if you look past the posh carpeting and cheesy motivational posters (which are behind glass, as per the orders of the Fire Marshall), then you'll find that this is, indeed, a bathroom:

The Tree at the Intersection of Atkinson Ave. and College Rd.
On many, many nights of hard partying and debauchery, when students leave the frats, they often feel the need to empty their bladders before they can find a toilet. In an inebriated state, anything can be a toilet. For example, i've seen this particular tree used at least twice: 
The above picture is merely an example of what it would look like. This was not an image of me being caught-in-the-act. 

Maples, Main Floor
Finally, I bring you the last of our bathroom tour. This particular bathroom is, in my opinion, one of the most bizarre things on campus. It's the bathroom that actually inspired this post. It's something that I noticed my freshman year, and haven't been able to ignore since. Behold, THE TWO TOILET LAVATORY! 
No, your eyes do not deceive you. You are, in fact, looking at a bathroom that has two sit-and-shits sitting right beside one another with no stalls, no divider, no privacy. Whoever came up with this idea must've either been drunk (likely at HSC), High (again, likely), or just very very comfortable with his sexuality (Terribly unlikely at HSC).
On top of this interesting toilet dichotomy, though, we also get a message instructing us on how to be immodest to toilets!
Now I don't know about anyone else, but, when "flashing commodes", the best I typically do is when I'm actually urinating...not after. But if that's what you want, Maples.....

Well I hope that you enjoyed this more amusing post. It was fun to work on, and I can only hope it was fun to read as well. Until next time, stay hardy, readers!

--Your Editor.


  1. There is actually two other weird bathrooms.
    1) Down in the computing center in the back past the server rooms there is a mens bathroom that I recall being odd to get to and even more it has a urinal that seriously sticks like 4 feet out from the wall. Oh and to make it even better if someone opens the door then that urinal is totally exposed. Given its odd shape and length you will effectively be flashing yourself to whom ever decides to walk in.
    2) This is one you have likely never seen nor conceived existed. You know that strange door inside the mens bathroom in the Tiger Inn.... Well here is a secret sub bathroom in there with several extra toilets. See if you can get in there or get someone to open it for you. If I remember correctly the old library had a couple of odd ones.

  2. the claim about the Tiger Inn restroom is correct. It was in use during family weekend this year. Extra urinals and sinks. Bizarre sight

  3. The laws ought to be changed so that each and every person in each and every gender has to right to decide whether or not to have privacy, including in the bathroom, therefore, the laws on bathrooms ought to be changed so that each and every place, including public place, is allowed (not required, but allowed) to have both bathrooms with privacy and bathrooms without privacy therefore, I request that all of the following laws be created and passed; I think it would be a good idea if the laws of the City of Greater New York, the laws of the State of New York, the laws of all of the other states of the USA, the laws of all other areas under USA control, and the rest of the world were changed so that (1) each and every person in each and every gender is given the legal right to decide whether or not to have privacy, including in the toilet and in the shower, (2) every public place would be required to have at least a female bathroom with privacy and a male bathroom with privacy, and (3) each and every public place that has these aforementioned bathrooms would be allowed (not required, but allowed) to also have other types of bathrooms, including but not limited to a mixed-gender bathroom with privacy and a mixed-gender bathroom without privacy in order to give each and every person of all genders a choice on whether or not to be seen naked by people of all genders, whether or not to see people of all genders naked, whether or not to expose one's private parts to any person of any gender whatsoever, and whether or not to see the private parts of any person of any gender whatsoever, that whoever objects to all this will just simply use a bathroom that gives privacy and if they also want only to be with the gender they were born with, this request will be granted. This proposal for a change of laws is all about each and every individual person's choice. By the term bathrooms with privacy, I mean that a public place ought to be required to have at least several single person restrooms plus a female bathroom with several toilets and each toilet has a stall and a door, plus a male bathroom with several toilets and each toilet has a stall and a door. The kind of law I want to be passed says that a public place that has several single person restrooms, a female bathroom with several toilets and each toilet has a stall and a door, and a male bathroom with several toilets and each toilet has a stall and a door is allowed (not required but allowed) to also have other types of bathrooms, including but not limited to (1) a mixed gender bathroom with several toilets and each toilet has a stall and a door, and (2) a mixed gender bathroom with several toilets, none of the toilets has a stall, and none of the toilets has a door. This law that I request is designed to give each and every person of all genders a choice on whether or not to have privacy, whether to not to be seen naked by any person of any gender whatsoever, whether or not to see any person of any gender naked, whether or not to expose one's private parts to any person of any gender whatsoever, and whether or not to see the private parts of any person of any gender whatsoever. Under this proposed law, whoever wants privacy gets privacy and whoever does not want privacy does not get privacy. It is all about each and every individual person's choice. Please give your feedback and please reply.